My Life After Life
by Linnea-chan
Summary: You know how, when you die, you're supposed to become a pretty blond angel who serves god? Either that, or you become a hideous devil left to rot in the underworld? Or whatever your religion is? Well, what happened to me was a lot different. Ever tried dying-yet-not-dying-like-a-boss? [No pairings as of now. Post canon. Rated T for swears (and slight nudity).]
1. That Goddamned Cat!

**My Life After Life**

**Chapter 1: That Goddamned Cat!**

* * *

There's really no obscure way to put this, but… I, uh, kind of… you know, died. But just a little. A little.

My death was awfully clichéd. It had the rainy day, stray cat running across the street, me running after it, a large truck turning round the corner. It happened very quickly.

Kind of like this:

"Get back here, you rotten cat! When I catch you, I'm gonna cut off your"—censored—"and shove it down your—"

BLAM!

And then I was dead.

Well, actually, no; I just sort of laid there in the middle of the street, stunned, as my blood formed a shallow puddle around my body. It was very anime-esque.

Ah, I can still hear the horrified gasps and screams and the rapid dialing of NINE-ONE-ONE as my eyes clouded over and I slipped away, into the inky blackness that is death.

Just kidding. I never slipped away, or whatever. I was just in very severe pain and I couldn't move, and sometime between the truck hitting me and my body falling to the ground my eyes closed so I couldn't see a single thing. But I felt my body being lifted up into a vehicle I later realized was an ambulance.

I was carted off to the nearest hospital, where the surgeons and whoever tried to fix my screwed up innards.

Somewhere along the task of reassembling my innards, I heard an annoying voice cry out, "It's too late! She's gone already!"

And I was all, "No I'm not, beeyatch!" with a neck roll and everything. Unfortunately my body didn't move and my voice didn't come out, so yeah. They heard none of it.

But even thinking that little bit made me so tired I went to sleep. I know, I'm stupid. You don't need to tell me.

_"WHO GOES TO SLEEP WHEN THEY JUST GOT HIT BY A TRUCK?! AND WHEN THEY'RE POSSIBLY HAVING AN OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCE?!"_

Me, apparently.

* * *

I woke up surrounded by blue.

I know, so poetic. But it was true. Then again, I was looking in the direction that I supposed was straight up, so I was probably looking at the sky…

_"Wait, what? Didn't you just get hit by a truck? Weren't you trying to do a sassy neck roll? Weren't you in a freaking hospital? When'd you get outside?"_

Maybe I was in heaven.

Of course, there was no way I would be that lucky, would there?

Then I realized that the ground beneath me was very cold and very hard. I could feel the coldness (is that even a word?) seeping through my clothes—wait, I was naked—and into my skin.

Wait a second. I was naked?

Sure enough, when I looked down, what greeted me was a pair of braless A-cup breasts.

Oh. Okay, then. At least now I knew I didn't mysteriously change genders between dying and going to heaven, or wherever I was.

Just to make sure, I looked over at my abdomen. No male reproductive organ, thank goodness. I'm not that sure if I really want one, thank you very much.

Now that I knew which way was up and which was down and that I was definitely a female, I took the time to observe my surroundings a bit more. Clearly I was sitting—previously lying—on the roof of some building. I'd obviously watched enough anime and read enough manga to know that it was either a high school or some rich, lonely bastard's mansion. I hated both of the options, as I was still naked and both of them (the options, you dolt; not my boobies or whatever you're thinking) involved people and eyes.

I closed my eyes, wishing I had something to put on. Not out of modesty, though. There wasn't really much to see on my body, anyway. It's not like I was some Z-cup blond bombshell who, when going to the beach, was forced to wear a bikini top a jillion times too small because THEY DIDN'T HAVE HER SIZE. I didn't want a shirt out of the need for survival, either. Only my butt and my thighs and whatever else had been in contact with the cold roof were cold-ish. I felt the pressure of the wind, but not the coldness that came with it, for some reason. Weird.

I mentally pictured the outfit I had died in: my favorite pair of blue jeans, a horizontally striped blue-and-white t-shirt that made me feel like a cosplayer, and a two-sizes too large yellow jacket with a rubber ducky on the breast pocket. I knew I looked ridiculous in my outfit, but it was comfortable, and the ducky was just too cute.

When I opened my eyes again, there they were. By 'they,' I mean my death clothes. On my body. Where they were supposed to be.

That's when it finally clicked.

Oh dear lord, I was a ghost, wasn't I.

And that wasn't a question. That was a statement. I was a ghost. A MUTHAFU—

I think you get the point.

So anyway, there I was, trying to get over my ghostliness when the door (yes, the roof came with a door on it—in it—near it—whatever, I don't care anymore) opened with a lethargic creak. A short teenage boy with explosive brown hair and brown eyes came through, flanked closely by a gray-haired—not silver, _gray_—delinquent and a black-haired sex god. Actually, they were all sexy. Whatever. Following the sexy trio (well, not the brunet… he was a little too scrawny for my tastes) was a pineapple-haired cosplay girl and a white-haired dude who kept screaming "EXTREME!" like it was the only word he knew.

All of them were dressed in uniforms—so this was a school—and none of them seemed to notice me. They sat down in a ring and brought their lunches out in front of them to eat. It looked like some sort of demonic ritual, with the circle and everything.

_They look familiar…_ insisted that little voice in the back of my head. _Take a closer look at the scrawny one…_

So I did.

His brown eyes looked up, straight into mine, and I could've sworn my heart skipped a beat as my inner fangirl gave him a suspicious once-over and immediately recognized him as…

Oh, _fuck_.


	2. Tsunayoshi Sawada Sent Me a Death Threat

**My Life After Life**

**Chapter 2: Tsunayoshi Sawada Sent Me a Death Threat**

* * *

Hello, Tsunayoshi fucking Sawada & Co.

I thought you were supposed to not freaking exist. So why are you in front of me? (Looking hot and sexy and—oops, off on a tangent...)

Of course, when I still had a live body that wasn't ethereal, I was an avid reader of the Katekyo Hitman Reborn manga. I never really got around to the anime (it's not really my thing), but I practically _memorized_ the plotline and characters of the series… yare, yare.

And _damn_, these were some good cosplayers. Sure, they looked a couple years too old, but the majority of Tsuna's guardians were too mature anyway.

Tsunayoshi Sawada screamed before I could mull over his uncannily similar appearance any longer. Stumbling back, he pointed a finger and yelped, "G-GHOST! AGH!"

Delinquent and Sexy leapt into action. "Where!?" they demanded in unison.

"I'll get the alien for you!"

"Don't worry, Tsuna!"

Cosplay Girl just sat there, confused. "Ghost? Where, boss?" She followed the direction of his finger and stared in my general direction. "I don't see anything, boss… are you alright?"

"I EXTREMELY DON'T SEE ANYTHING, SAWADAAAAA!" screamed Extreme, pumping his fist.

"Pointing fingers is rude!" I called to the look-a-like mafia boss, ignoring the look-a-like guardians. I stood up and crossed my arms. "Who are you and why do you look like Tsunayoshi Sawada?!"

He squeaked, either ignoring me or not hearing me. "SHE'S RIGHT THERE!"

"I know I'm right here!" I screamed, trying to raise my voice over Extreme's. No dice. "WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

"EXTREMEEEE!"

"WHERE IS SHE?"

"Boss, are you okay?"

"Chaos," said a new voice. I turned my head to see a kid about ten years old perched on the roof's fence. Fuck, is that _Reborn_?

Orange-striped fedora, check. Suit and tie, check. Green lizard, check. Curly sideburns, check. You know, his sideburns always made me wonder if he got up early in the morning to curl them.

"Reborn!" Tsunayoshi Sawada gasped in relief, confirming my suspicions (of the kid cosplaying Reborn, not that he curls his sideburns). Then his face contorted in surprise. "Wait, when I left this morning you still looked eight!"

'Reborn' smirked. "I hit another growth spurt."

"That's way too random! Two months ago you were still a baby!" Tsunayoshi Sawada protested, but there's no screwing with Reborn.

"I'm the world's greatest hit man, after all," Reborn declared, still smirking.

"Says the elementary kid," I muttered. To my surprise, Reborn didn't wheel on me. I don't think he even heard me.

Well, Reborn didn't, but Tsunayoshi Sawada sure did. "AAH! Reborn, I almost forgot! There's a g-ghost!" He started pointing at me again.

His look-a-like guardians looked (I'm so punny) around with bewildered expressions.

"Tsuna, there's nothing here," Sexy said.

"Shut up! If Tenth says there's an alien, then there's an alien!" Delinquent decided, eyes sparkling like a fan girl who just spotted her favorite singer.

"Boss, are you alright?" asked Cosplay Girl.

"I EXTREMELY STILL DON'T SEE ANYTHING!" screamed Extreme.

"Tsuna. There's nothing here," said Reborn. The little brat was ignoring my presence!

"But! R-Reborn! She's right there!" Tsunayoshi Sawada wailed, his eyes never leaving mine. "How do you guys not see her?!"

Realization finally dawned on me. About fucking time. "Tsunayoshi Sawada look-a-like…" I whispered, just barely loud enough for him to hear me. "I think you're the only person who can see me."

His eyebrows flew up; dragging his upper eyelids with them and making him look really scary. "What? Guys, I t-think she's talking to me!"

"No _shit_, Sherlock!" I snapped. "Of course I'm talking to you!"

Tsunayoshi Sawada snapped on a pair of mittens.

"Cosplayers can't fucking magical girl transfo—"

His previously brown eyes drained into orange, and a flame began to burn on his forehead. Nearby, the guardian cosplayers posed, despite apparently not being able to see me. A clichéd shadow fell over Reborn's eyes as his hat fell in, and he cocked his gun. Even Leon, still perched on Reborn's fedora, seemed to be on the lookout for me.

"Fuck, how are you doing that?!" I screamed, referring to Tsunayoshi Sawada's magical magic kawaii desu transformation sequence. Which didn't actually happen, but he still transformed.

"Who are you?" Oh look, Tsunayoshi Sawada just went through anime puberty. "What are you?" he continued in his new, sexy voice.

Think, me! Think!

Oh, wait! I got it!

"Guardian animal!" I blurted out. Because I am totally a lion or something. "Right! That's me!"

He stared at me, all like, _lolwhut?_

Nearby, his guardians tried to get his attention, pestering him with petty questions that fell on deaf ears.

"I mean, uh, I'm your guardian spirit," I amended, nodding in agreement with myself. "I'm here to help you become the, um, the Vongola boss. Totally." Way to boost a cosplayer's ego, me.

"I'm already the Vongola boss," he said calmly.

"Bitch, you're a fucking cosplayer."

Tsunayoshi Sawada's sexy eyes bore into mine. "Don't lie to me. Who are you, and what do you want?"

I gulped, taking a ghostly step back. I barely even registered that my feet didn't quite touch the ground. "I told you, I'm your guardian essence."

Oops. First I was his guardian animal, then his guardian spirit, and now… his guardian essence, whatever the hell that is. Maybe he won't notice.

"_What are you?_" he persisted, seemingly unsatisfied with my answers. I could _see_ him growing more and more skeptic with me. "Why am I the only one who can communicate with you?"

Still behind him, the guardian cosplayers took defensive stances, which was basically all they could do to fend the great and (apparently) evil me off without destroying the school. It amazed me how they still kept up their acting in the face of a ghost. Which happened to be me.

Tsunayoshi Sawada's stare/gaze turned into a glare. "If you lay a single finger on my family, I _will_ kill you."

That's when I realized how very, very real this was.


End file.
